When 15 years isn't long enough

It's my anniversary today.

Most of us anticipate our wedding anniversary because it means we get a night out to a fancy dinner while the kids terrorize the babysitter with craft glue and glitter. It can mean anniversary jewelry and flowers with a sappy card about forever love. It means coming home tipsy and getting some nookie if he plays his cards right. If you're lucky it might mean a surprise weekend getaway with a lot of wine.

Buzzkill alert. None of that is happening this year.

Big C took away all my anniversary fun this year. But we know it can't take away my memories. And let me tell you, I have some good memories from that night 15 years ago.

Some of you might have a few good memories too - except y'all were too drunk. I heard the stories. I heard the watermelon story. I heard about the story of the vodka shots. I heard about who was scooting their butt across the dancefloor in an evening gown. I remember when the dj played Brass Monkey. I heard about the bathtub story. I heard about the afterparty in someone's hotel room. I heard (many times) the story about someone's airplane ride home the next morning. I heard about all the morning-after hangovers from "the best wedding ever." 

These are the stories that I celebrate on my anniversary. This is what matters - we all had a shit ton of fun that night. THAT's the memory I hang on to. This year I celebrate the memories of that October day.  

15 years ago we had all the time in the world - we had time to kill.
15 years ago the church was packed.
15 years ago I had a tiny waist and a butt that needed no Spanx.
15 years ago we laughed.
15 years ago we smiled.
15 years ago we had energy.
15 years ago we had hopes and dreams.
15 years ago we said yes to the possibility of children (never realizing how monumental a commitment that would be).
15 years ago I did the splits on the dancefloor in a wedding dress.
15 years ago red wine was spilled on my dress but I was too drunk to care.
15 years ago we stayed out late drinking and dancing to Eminem.
15 years ago we had good ... err... bedroom conversation.
15 years ago we traveled and spent days and days lounging on a beach with pina coladas.
15 years ago we promised we'd come back to this honeymoon spot for our 20-year-anniversary.
15 years ago we came home to a quiet, empty farmhouse where we actually took NAPS. On Saturday afternoons. And Sunday afternoons.
Good friends make a good wedding.
15 years ago we never knew what true heartache and sadness was.
15 years ago we were happy. For a while.

We never knew how fast 15 years would fly. We never imagined the stress, the emotion, the misunderstandings, the joy, the disappointments, the exhaustion, the hardships we would endure in just 15 years. We surely didn't know how 15 years would change us.

We never dreamed 15 years might be all we got.

I only know it wasn't enough.


  1. The way you express yourself through words is really inspiring. Never stop writing.

  2. Hello, lovely lady - my name is Kimberly Wiggins and I worked at Fox19 in Cincinnati years ago. I lost my husband 21 months ago and know the terrible pain you're living with and simply wanted to reach out. A good friend of mine found your blog and passed it on to me. I'd love to extend a broken heart to you and let you know that you're not alone. I'm here whenever and if you want to chat or text or just scream with another wister (widow sister). Shoot me an email at Kimberly at StillHis dot com whenever you're up to it! XO

    1. Thanks again Kimberly for your kindness. 😘😘

  3. I only had 15 years with my bestie too. He died 10/11/16
    unexpectedly and I have his two amazing daughters. I just found your blog.
    The description of 15 years resonated precisely....
    One broken heart πŸ’” to another!
    You are a great writer

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss too. Thanks for finding me and following my story. 😘❤️


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