Hello to 2014

Each New Year people talk about all the things they want to do to better themselves. Some people make lists of life goals they hope to check off this year. Am I a horrible person for not making any resolutions?

Unless "stop saying shut up" or swearing under my breath in front of the kids can be valid resolutions for a grown woman? I know (you all know) I yell too much, I'm a little OCD and uptight and I may-- just a little-- get freaked out when the kids have peanut butter on their faces or powdered donut on their fingers. I worry too much about cleaning up, I get a little nuts if the kids don't have matching clothes or if their hair isn't brushed, I've got a short temper and I'm overall kind of a "glass half empty" kind of person. People tell me all the time how to 'better' myself: "pray more," "do yoga," "take meds," "let go"... I wish I could make it that easy, but I can't just switch off the switch that makes me, ME. I am not saying I'm giving up, but I'm just exhausted thinking about a change. I suppose it's easier this way.

My four little reasons for change.
I do get inspired reading other people's hopes and dreams, maybe sometimes jealous too, wishing I could have the same pure, happy and anxious heart and great expectations for who I want to 'be' this year. Each year I tell myself how badly I'd love to get back into playing the piano because, despite lessons for six years growing up, I'm not sure if I remember how to read notes. Each year I vow to get a manuscript done and sent off somewhere. I think maybe this will be the year I could have really great legs and a kickass butt -- if only I run more.
Maybe I could have a lovely complexion like Charlize Theron (who is the same age as me but looks 20 years younger than me by the way). But somewhere between my discovery of lowfat desserts on Pinterest and my vow to do the fitness magazine's 'butt blasting' workout every day is when I realize after all these years that I just may never change. Maybe some people just can't 'change.'

I'm happy that I have a husband who loves me (and stays!) despite all my failings, and somehow God blessed me with four beautiful, healthy perfect children (that I don't deserve). I look at them and I do want to be better, be happier, be healthier. I don't want to have regrets later in life that I wasn't the best mother and wife that I could be. I've got too much room for improvement. I also know that it doesn't have to take a brand new Jan. 1 to start. That no matter the date, each morning I wake up could be my fresh start. It could be the day I push myself to stick to something good -- maybe not eating a package of chocolate pretzels in one hour (oops) --- maybe letting the kids look disheveled and not freaking out when they spill chocolate milk on the table, or letting the vacuuming go for a day (ok, ok let's not get too crazy here)...

I don't know how far I'll get. It might take me a week, a month -- or who are we kidding -- probably til next Jan. 1. Where are the chocolate pretzels?


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